Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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