Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize