my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can't special order awesome
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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