I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
