nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
