I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize