So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
