Someone shit on the floor
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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