So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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