No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
