Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
