Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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