I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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