I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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