I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
