my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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