That's intense
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
