I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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