At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize