none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
