i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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