Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
