guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
