If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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