I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
