you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
