I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
