I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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