Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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