he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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