I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
porn star boner night. come get it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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