She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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