I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
