I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
