The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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