just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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