2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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