apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize