Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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