Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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