I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
