he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish you could order shots online.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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