yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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