If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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