Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
