smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
