He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize