jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
