can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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