Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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