we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
