i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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