I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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