Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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