Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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