We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
