considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
how drunk are you?
Several
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
