i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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