she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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