I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
