i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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