Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
