I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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