I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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