My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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