Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
