We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize