Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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