Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
