If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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