I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
