Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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