So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
