I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
