Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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