Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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