i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
